DEALING WITH GRIEF

 

HI THERE!

I would like to steal your attention for a little bit!  Did I hear you say, "permission granted"? Good!

DEALING WITH GRIEF

We all have had moments in our lives ( not just specific to this year) where we have lost someone or many times, multiple persons very dear to us. I must agree that it is NOT a pleasant experience, mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually. It takes a huge toll on us. We find ourselves miserable for days, weeks and months...some people eventually fall into a state of depression for years. It is never easy moving or living through those things. 

You get a lot of "sorry for your loss" "may God give the family the fortitude to bear the loss" Now, don't get me wrong, these words are okay and said only out of empathy; however it can make some people more emotional than they already are... You can even hear after some time " it's time to move on...time to forget the person"... This particular one is not something to say to a person who is grieving. 

So, what do you need? How can we deal with such experiences? PS: first of all understand that people heal differently and at different paces; before you get angry at a grieving person after years and indirectly tell the person to " come off it". Don't tell people to "move on". Help them "move forward" instead, reach out in whatever way you can. Don't put on a sad look whenever you're with them or sound unhappy, it does not help. (but don't smile or laugh too o! lol). Just be there and make them know they are not alone. If they are talking or laughing about their loved one who passed, listen. Chip in a few words too. Say something to take their mind off for a while. Follow their conversation and engage them.  Validate their feelings and emotions. 

For those trying to help another person through their grief: Don't say things like " I understand" when you  actually don't. Don't dive into your own sad stories too. We all know that everything happens for a reason but don't repeat that to their ears or say  cruel things like " you are not the first person to go through this or that is how life is. Life goes on".  No! They don't want to hear "Crying won't bring him/ her back" That is not the time and place. It crushes people's spirit more and makes them more upset. 

You could say " I can only imagine or I'm sorry this happened. it must be hard for you. It is well, they are in a place where they are happy.  You'll get through this". Find better things like that to say. 

For those going through a loss: You will experience shock, denial, deep feelings of sadness and heaviness, anger and many other emotions. Please allow yourself ( or the person you are trying to help) feel those emotions. Use of drugs, alcohol, stress eating and a few others will only numb the pain for a moment and reality will set back in. TAKE. YOUR. TIME. Allow yourself CRY, scream...whatever. It takes days for some and for others, weeks, months and years. Just understand that it is a process. Please don't feel pressured to " move on". One minute, hour, day at a time. You WILL get through it.

Don't block out thoughts of that person completely, slowly allow your brain to process it. It will bring all the tears, anger and all of that back again but allow your heart be.  Suppressing thoughts or emotions only makes them spring back even harder.

Don't isolate yourself, it is very dangerous, surround yourself with people you know will be supportive and will hold your hand, give you a hug, possibly make you laugh a little. Go for a walk, clear your head. If you can scream into your pillow or a soundproof room. Do it. 

Find a healthy outlet, good music, reading, writing, bowling...whatever you think may help. Talk to someone you trust, if you can get a therapist, good...and if you can't, talk to someone older or someone you know has gone through such experience. 

Now, if you are a Christian, a believer, You know that God is always mindful of you. You may not understand why things happened or are happening that way, but in your pain, know that God has not left you, he has not forsaken you. He sees those tears and understands your outbursts. He is not mad at you, He did not do it to punish you or make you humble! God does everything, and allows some things to happen because He loves us, He loves the person so dearly. He took them to save them from the evil that is ahead. We don't see that evil or whatever is coming but God sees it and knows it. He will see you through everything. He's the only assurance. 

We know that if the person was saved and was a believer in Jesus, we would see the person again, just not now. Take it as all communication with the person has been cut off. They are not in the grave yard, the real them has just relocated to heaven. We feel the loss so deeply, it can be unbearable. Once you get through a minute, you get through an hour, you get through a day...2 days...a week...a month... it is a gradual process and it gets a little better everyday. Some days, you may fall back but it's totally okay. Choose to focus your mind on the happy memories and times with the loved one. Please make sure you don't starve yourself. Eat in little portions till you can gain your appetite back. 

I hope this helped someone reading. Always remember, God is on your side.