The Psychology of Faith in Jesus

 

HANDLING OFFENCE.

What is your view on offence?

Many times, the first thing that comes to mind when we hear or see the word offence, our first response or reaction involves emotions. Whether it is an outburst of anger or mere silence and tears. Why then do we get offended? At what point does offence come into play? Offence usually is birthed out of a range of extremely high or unrealistic expectations. It can also come from a place of mismanaging or a misunderstanding of these expectations. It is usually a battle of emotions, often ending up with the parties involved feeling attacked, taken advantage of, or ignored. When there is no direct confrontation and these expectations and emotions are not handled the proper way, people then begin to get offended.

 

Offence deeply affects relationships and it is important not to allow them get the best of us. Always remember that our emotions are there to make things better, so keeping them in check is the best thing you can do for yourself. What are the dos and don’ts in handling offence?

 

• Never bottle up emotions, it harms you. If someone made you feel a certain way, it’s best to express it. Without proper expressions, the person will have no idea whatsoever of what they did. However, if it is the other way round, understand that everyone is sensitive in their own way and what you may have said or done may have triggered a past experience they wanted to leave behind. So, take it in your stride.

• Do not make excuses for each other! It is always best to speak up, if you keep swallowing things, and covering up wounds; they will never heal.  Making excuses causes you to believe you are just someone that deserves bad or horrible treatment and if a similar situation pops up in the future, you will endure it again until you are completely drained emotionally.  Don’t risk having a bitter outlook to life.

• Nip it in the bud as quickly as you can. The same way chronic diseases, if not identified early can become dangerous and fatal; is the same way offence not dealt with can become dangerous to your health. If you cannot talk to the person directly, find not more than 2 people who are better experienced and can sit the person down and thrash out whatever is on ground. Offence not directly and quickly dealt with will definitely grow into something way bigger, causing even more problems. 

• Never speak out of anger: People that say “I need to give her a piece of my mind” (You are compromising your own sanity) or “ I’m a kind of person that speaks my mind and then forget about it after that”.. well that is not entirely true because the memory of  that particular emotion  has been imprinted. If you live by that you will unavoidably say things you regret.  Even if you try to forget it, that memory is still somehow triggered again, when something similar happens. So, the best thing is to wait till everywhere and everyone is calm and then express your concerns.  A person that does not offend in words is a perfect man. 

 

What do you do?

        (..to be continued)